Gravity Wilds
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: "Not What He Seems" AU! Things go horribly wrong! Now Dipper is stranded...with strange plant-like creatures? Eventual Harem! Inspired by "The Howling Behemoth"! IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!
1. Chapter 1

Gravity wilds

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

"-Grunkle Stan...I trust you."

And with that Mabel let go and let herself float away from the button...

MABEL, ARE YOU CRAZY?! WE'RE ALL GONNA-

Then they're whole world turned white-

…...

"-The author of the journals...My Brother." Said Grunkle Stan in hushed amazement.

But Mabel wasn't listening...Dipper was gone!

…...

Dipper woke up flat on his back, staring at a yellow sky...and a weird red creature standing on his chest staring back.

Dipper did what any person would do in such a situation he screamed, jumped away, and panicked.

WHAT HAPPENED!? WHERE AM I!? WHAT ARE YOU!? Suddenly he paused as he realized something...then turned scarlet!

WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES!?

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **Inspired by The Howling Behemoth**

 **Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**

 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

Gravity wilds ch.2

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Dipper ran like there was no tomorrow until he was behind a nearby boulder. Dipper tried to calm himself, he quickly looked beyond the boulder to see if the creature was still there...it was...it was just...standing there...staring at him. Dipper frowned...it seemed like a cute harmless thing...But then again so had the gnomes-

Dipper looked around...a vast alien jungle...as far as the eye could see...he had no idea where he was, no food, or water, no clothes, no anything! Dipper sighed as he turned back to the little creature. "I don't suppose...you know where I could get food?" The creature then ran away into the bushes. For a few moments Dipper questioned whether he was desperate enough to take the risk of following after a strange creature-

Which was rendered moot, when the creature came back with what appeared to be a giant berry. It handed it to him. Dipper tentatively grabbed hold of it. For all intents and purposes he was holding an alien fruit...which he had no if it was poisonous...let alone edible!...Dipper gave out a resigned sigh. _I'll starve to death anyway...what have I got to lose?_ And so he bite into it...and it was delicious! Dipper scarfed it down eagerly. _Okay so far so good...assuming it's not a slow acting poison that is...Anyway, let's see if my 'guide' can help me again._

Still feeling a little awkward being naked, Dipper leaves the cover of the boulder covering his privates. He knew it was silly...not only was the creature 'naked' itself...but it wasn't even human...still this didn't stop him from keeping himself covered as he turns once more to his 'guide'. "Any...any chance you know a place where I can take shelter?" The creature gives him a curious look, then runs off into the woods. Dipper quickly runs after him.

…...

Later that night Dipper would create journal #4. And among other things; one of the first things he'd write would be: **Walking through a jungle naked hurts like **** crap, man!**

Indeed it did, it seemed like anything that could sting, prick, tear, or run into his 'sensitive areas'; did! He had thorns in places he didn't even know he had! But eventually the creature led him to clearing that had...a giant Bio-mech red onion? Dipper looked over the strange device...there was a door in it that led into an empty inner sanctum...and a screen that had the number ten...and a couple buttons next to it. Curious, Dipper pressed one-

 **POP!**

The onion popped out another creature! Amazed, Dipper continues to press the button. Until the counter reads zero and it wouldn't spawn anymore. Dipper looks at the assortment of creatures. Dipper then starts giving out orders, surprisingly they obey them! Soon their fetching food, leaves to fashion a modesty skirt...not water though... For some reason they seemed deathly afraid to go anywhere near it! But it wasn't too much of a problem, Dipper just asked them to point out it's direction and he got it himself.

Dipper was grateful to finally cover his shame...and then confused to find the pikmin no longer obeyed him! It didn't take long for him to realize that they only obeyed him when he was naked...which made no sense whatsoever...But self-preservation beats modesty, so Dipper swallowed his pride and played along...

It wouldn't be until much later that Dipper would learn that the pikmin only obeyed him...because they pitied him for his scrawny body and tiny genitals...and having such bad memories they had to be constantly reminded of this...needless to say Dipper was not thrilled when he finally found this out...

…...

When the sun went down. Dipper was surprised when the Pikmin literally dropped what they were doing and ran into the onion. Feeling a great chill coming, Dipper followed them into the inner sanctum...and was surprised when it took off like a rocket!...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

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	3. Chapter 3

Gravity wilds ch.3

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

 **Dipper log. Day 1**

 **I've decided to create a journal of my own...it's basically leaves, vines and tree sap but it'll do.**

 **I've already decided to call these strange creatures Pikmin, after the funny looking(Yet revolting) PikPik carrots from home.**

 **I've also explored the space onion that I'm probably going to call home from now on.**

 **The wonder of exploring so many strange things however had it's low point. After the initial excitement...The events of today finally caught up to me...I'm alone...on an alien world.**

 **I don't know if our universe got warped and replaced by this, or if I was simply sent somewhere else...But the bottom line is I'm on my own...Well except for the pikmin of course...their lovable, fun-makers the lot of them...**

 **Anyway, until I figure things out. I need to focus on survival(and exploration if I'm feeling bored).**

 **Which shouldn't be so hard. Thanks to some instruments and monitors I've found I've learned that come morning we'll be touching down back where we were. Right were I left enough supplies to last me several weeks...**

… **...**

WHAT HAPPEND HERE!? Screamed a frustrated Dipper. All his supplies had been ruined! Then he noticed something...Tracks! Quickly he and the pikmin slowly followed them until...they reached an egg? Dipper frowned as he double-checked to make sure that indeed the tracks led up to the large red and white-spotted round shaped thing. Dipper frowned, confused by this. Then he just shrugged. _Oh well, I'll figure it out when I get this back to the onion._ He thinks to himself as he tries to lift it up-

 **Chomp!**

Only to suddenly find himself thankful for his small genitals. As that was the only reason he wasn't now neutered by a large row of razor sharp teeth! Dipper would later name this new species Bulborb...But right now he was more focused on not being renamed 'lunch'. Dipper fell down and hastily scooted away from this snarling beast. "Help! Someone! Please!" Cried out Dipper instinctively. And was surprised that for once his cries for help were actually heard! Dipper watched amazed as his Pikmin friends rushed the creature and brutally beat him to death!

Dipper was overjoyed! He rushed over and hugged them, they in turn hugged him back! Dipper smiled. "Thanks guys! You really saved my hide!...Huh, now that I think about it...you guys have helped me out so much...Is there anything I can do to return the favor?"

This surprised the Pikmin! Usually whenever a stranger came to lead them...they mainly took stuff...never did they ask what they could give! It took much cute interpretive dance...But finally Dipper got that they wanted a special sap to drink...And that they could only get it if someone ordered them to do it!(Dipper would latter learn that this was again a result of their bad memory)

Dipper was quick to get them the sap. And the pikmin were so happy they bloomed! While they drank, Dipper considered the Bulborb. _Hmmm...Fruit is all well and good...but some meat would really hit the spot!_ Thought Dipper as he waited for the Pikmin to finish with their meal, he then orders them to take it back to the onion...only to reel back in surprise when the uses a tractor beam to gobble it up! He's even more surprised when the pikmin counter regains a couple points! After some trial and error(and a couple more dead Bulborb). Dipper realized that the Onion only snatched up the 'meat' when the Pikmin brought it. When he carried it, the onion ignored him.

He then orders his now much larger army of Pikmin to get more fruit to the onion and kill more Bulborb's. He had to carry the water and the Bulborb's...but it was worth it as he would be sitting pretty for a long while...And that's when he found it. A monster sized Bulborb, way bigger than all the others...fast asleep. Dipper looked back at his army of several dozen eager Pikmin...and felt emboldened!

He gave a large rallying cry and had them all charge forward...which was very dumb as that woke it up(it wouldn't be until later that Dipper would realize the best place to attack Bulborb's of this size was it's soft behind...rather than it's much stronger face filled with rows of Razor sharp teeth...like he did here). Dipper watched in horror as most of his beloved pikmin were either crushed or gobbled up...thankfully their sheer numbers were enough to overwhelm it...but this made the fight no less gruesome. Dipper ran to his few remaining Pikmin and hugged them, he was so busy crying he almost didn't see the Bulborbs death rattle as it spat out a strange contraption.

First and foremost Dipper helped the few remaining pikmin to drag the giant carcass back to the onion to replenish the ranks. Then he ordered them to drink sap until they were good and plasterd. Meanwhile, Dipper. On his own dragged the contraption back to the onion...Only to be once more surprised as the Onion gobbles it up...and grows! Dipper puts his curiosity on hold as he notices the sun going down, quickly he goes off to make sure all the pikmin get back into the Onion safe...

…...

 **Dipper log. Day 2**

 **Bolborb(or as I'll also call it to make myself sound smart:** _ **Oculus kageyamii**_ _**russus**_ **)**

 _ **Plump specimens are best spit-roasted whole.**_ _**Baste frequently to ensure a magnificently moist haunch.(Note: if possible find lime or slab of bacon to stuff it with, as I believe it'll enhance it's flavor)**_

 **Alright, enough with the cusine...today I discovered the Onion can be upgraded! When that 'engine' got attached, the ship not only grew but several new monitors and instruments popped up too!**

 **I think I'll be able to fly it to other places now! Several locations have opened up on the monitors. And their appears to be more parts! It can't show me where they specifically are, unfortunately. But it can give me the general area.**

 **Their are several other blocked areas that I can't go to yet...I guess I need more parts to access them.**

 **Anyway, the place I've been going to seems to have no more parts...But I'll keep going there the next couple of days since I know it's (mostly)safe to grab more supplies and replenish the ranks of my pikmin. I need to be cautious...The pikmin have become very dear to me...I won't waste their lives!**

 **Watch out world! Here we come!**

… **...**

Meanwhile...on another part of the world...A naked red-head teenager is running through the woods...the intense of pain of doing so is completely ignored thanks to the adrenaline running through her system...suddenly a shadow falls over her...she turns around and screams...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

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	4. Chapter 4

Gravity wilds ch.4

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

 **Dipper log. Day 5**

 **Puffy Blowhog: OR '** _ **Sus inflata'**_

 _ **Slice this creature's feather-light skin into triangles, deep-fry until crispy, if I had salt I'd use it generously. I can't help but feel it would make the perfect scooping chip to accompany fresh mango salsa!**_

 **We'll I've dragged my feet long enough. I have more than enough Pikmin and supplies...time for the next location!**

… **...**

"I hate this location!" Screamed Dipper as he ran from what he would later call a 'Bearded Amprat'. This thing may seem harmless but it could produce lightning! It completely immobilized all of his pikmin! Thankfully only a couple of them were eaten before Dipper was able to revitalize them and order them to retreat!

Suddenly a pikmin wandered from a nearby shrub and right into the beasts path! Dipper shouted at it to run, but it just looked at him confused. The beast tensed up rub it's beard and shoot out electricity-

 **ZAP!**

-Which caused the Pikmin to laugh and jump excitedly! It was hard to tell who was more surprised; Dipper or the beast!

Quickly getting over his surprise, Dipper ran over and grabbed the pikmin and ran with the rest deep into the foilage. Once they were far enough away, Dipper took the opportunity to examine this new pikmin. Now that he'd calmed down, he realized that the pikmin was Yellow! Dipper smiled. "Now where did you come from, little guy?"

Apparently mistaking the question for an order, the Pikmin then runs away! Dipper follows him...right to a new yellow onion! Dipper had the onion brought to his onion...and just as he anticipated they merged once in contact with each other! After much trial and error Dipper realized these new yellow pikmin were immune to lightning!(he then takes the opportunity to check something...and yep, sure enough the red pikmin were immune to fire...color coded convenience all around!)

But that's not the only discovery- "A new part!" Exclaimed Dipper. He reexamined the area where the Yellow onion had been, and he finds what looks to be another part! He would later call it the 'eternal fuel dynamo'. Dipper began ordering the Pikmin to lift it-

 **ROAR!**

Right before a giant moth-like monster swoops down and sucks up the part(as well as a large portion of his pikmin) into it's whale like mouth and flys off into a nearby cave- Irritated, but seeing that it's getting close to night. Dipper gathers up his remaining pikmin and heads back to the onion. Hey, there was always tomorrow right?...

 _I'm not going to live to see tomorrow._ Thinks a desperate Red head inside the beast's(or as Dipper will later call it 'Vehemoth Phosbat') Cave...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

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	5. Chapter 5

Gravity wilds ch.5

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

 **Dipper log. Day 7**

 **The Burrowing Snagret: Or** _ **Shiropedes anacondii**_

 _ **Slice the serpentine torso into thin medallions, skewer on a metal rod(note: try with Onions if I find some), and barbecue over an open flame.**_

 **Well, were off to fight a giant monster...Not much else to say really...Except that I'm REALLY not looking forward to this...And nothing(not even the benefits that that part will give me) is going to cheer me up about it!**

… **...**

To say that Wendy Corduroy was not having a good week would be a massive understatement! First government thugs hijacked her workplace...then her house gets trashed when the gravity freaks out. Then she's enveloped by a wave of light...and suddenly she finds herself alone and naked on an alien world filled with giant things that want to eat her! Like that stupid monster! She ran from it for awhile...but it snatched her up and brought her to it's cave. It then tried to feed her to it's young. Thankfully it's young are weak, so she was easily able to overpower them and escape. She'd been stuck in this cave for days trying to find a way out...it didn't help matters that the place was pitch black...Oh, and that she was evading the beast at every turn of course!

Wendy groaned...she was so hungry! Sure, a nearby stream gave her water(it tasted horrible, but beggars couldn't be choosers!), but that didn't change the fact she hadn't eaten in days!...and she hadn't really slept in awhile either...Maybe...Maybe she should just give up...after all, even if she got out of here...where would she go? How would she survive? How-

And suddenly the whole room was illuminated. The beast screamed in agony as it feel to the ground...where it was quickly rushed by a large group of strange little creatures...But Wendy wasn't paying attention to that...what she was paying attention to was a familiar face she thought she'd never see again...

Dipper was relieved. _It's a good thing I waited an extra day before attacking so I could test out my new pikmin and use scouting parties to get a feel for 'Vehemoth's' tactics._ Thought Dipper to himself satisfied. He was also curious about the convenient giant bulb placed on the top of the cave. _Was this world filled with giants at one point?_ Thought a curious Dipper...Suddenly Dipper wasn't thinking anything...All he was doing was staring at something he thought he'd never see...A naked Wendy.

Both, eye'd each other in shock...neither knowing what to say or do...Wendy tired and hungry, decided to go with her most base instinct...Which in this case was to burst out laughing. Dipper blushed as for the first time in days he remembered his own nudity and covered himself...

 **Dipper log. Day 8**

 **So on the plus side the part we got majorily upgraded our ship! Also we found Wendy! Apparently the 'event' that sent me here also effected her...I wonder if anyone else got sent here too?**

 **Anyway, that's where the good news ends...since the pikmin will only obey me when I'm nude(This only works with me apparently since Wendy couldn't command them clothed or not). I basically have to be naked around the girl I still(sorta) like with my small wang exposed while she gets to dress herself in leaves...So yeah, Not fun!...Although...Those leaves are pretty suggestive...But it still dosen't change the fact that she laughed at me! True, she calmed down once she ate and rested...But I can still hear her snicker when she thinks I can't hear!...Still, it is nice to have here here. Awkwardness aside, she's a a good friend who I know will have my back!...After she's done laughing that is...Huh, I wonder what tomorrow will bring(I'd be lying if I said I wasn't torn between anticipation and terror)?**

…...

Pacifica didn't know what to make of all she'd been through the past week. One second she was the heir to the powerful(if corrupt and evil) Northwest empire/fortune. The next second her house is ripped apart by a strange light, and now she's just a naked nobody on a planet with messed up wildlife! Take her current situation for example. What she thought was a simple(if giant) fruit that could quell her hunger. Was actually the head of a giant island monster!(or as it would be later called;(by Dipper) 'Quaggled Mireclops'.)

Pacifica thought that this was the end of her...when suddenly the creature began to buckle and scream. Pacifica risked a look down and saw strange little blue things swimming around and attacking the the creatures...Hooves? Seriously, that made no sense whatsoever!

Anyway, soon the creature was down which gave the creature's the opportunity to swarm on top and attack it's head! The creature began to bring out it's tongue and begin to spin it like a helicopter. Knocking away and devouring some of the creatures. Suddenly, a few small rocks smacked it in the head. It turns around and sees something. It then shoots out it's tongue...only to be unable to retract it back!

Pacifica risks a look around and sees that the tongue is stuck to a tree...covered in weird sap? With it's main weapon gone, the creature is quick to fall. Dipper smiles, finding those blue pikmin was a great stroke of luck! Also, that sap he mixed up had been perfect for incapacitating the creatures tongue! And just as he anticipated the creature had spat up another ship part(which he would later call the 'positron generator'), he'd noticed a strange trend in giant creatures devouring ship parts...which was annoying...but typical for his luck.

Speaking of luck...it was at that point he saw Pacifica. On the one hand it was nice to see familiar face(mixed feelings aside)...it was even nicer to her naked body(if she was really just 12 years old, he'd eat his hat!...if he could find it that is). On the other hand he could do without her bursting out in laughter over the sight of his wang.

A flustered Dipper sighed. _First Wendy, then Pacifica...What's next, Tambry?_

…...Several days later...

 _Yeah, that figures._ Thinks Dipper to himself. Thanks to the help of the new 'winged pink pikmin'; he'd defeated what he would now call the Scornet Maestro. It also spat out what he would now call 'The Whimsical Radar'(which he would be happy to learn later allows him to accurately pinpoint where ship parts are...but be less happy to find out that his theory was correct and most ship parts are found inside giant 'boss' monsters).

Not surprisingly, he'd also found Tambry trapped in a giant bird cage. Evidently, the maestro locked her up the naked teen as a 'song bird'. What was surprising was that Tambry didn't laugh when she saw him. Dipper smiled. "Finally! I rescue someone who dosen't laugh at my nudity!" He exclaims. Tambry smiled and thanked him. _I probably shouldn't mention that I already laughed at him while he was busy fighting._ Thinks Tambry wisely to herself...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

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	6. Chapter 6

Gravity wilds ch.6

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

 **Dipper Log. Day 30**

 **Decorated Cannon Beetle: Or** _ **Granitus decorum**_

 _ **"Slice the meat into tender cutlets (note: if I can find lime and pepper rub apply vigorously) Panfry until lightly crusted. Accompany with watercress(if any can be found) and drizzle with freshly prepared tamarind sauce(if found)."**_

 **It's been quite an interesting bunch of weeks(I lost some of the previous pages, so I have to recap a lot of old information in case I can't get them back from that dang rat-thing living in the rafters). I've found many more parts(some major, some minor...and some more of a luxury that anything else(Not that were complaining)). Between this and the new Pikmin onions, the ship has swelled to ginormous proportions.**

 **I've added several new groups of Pikmin: White poison-types, gray rock types, and purple heavy hitters(the main difference of the last two is that Gray's have greater Endurance, but Purple's have greater Strength)**

 **As for the girls...well, they're settling down okay I guess...It's just...if I didn't know better I could swear that whenever I'm turned around...they squeeze or slap my but. And when they invite me into the newly installed hot-tub(I'm pretty sure they were wearing something under the froth...They wouldn't invite me in if they were naked...Right?)...This is gonna sound crazy..but I swear something grabs my...Well, my wang.**

 **Ha! What am I saying? The girls clearly only invite me in so they can see the water make my junk even more impossibly small then it already is.**

 **Like they'd ever feel anything for guy who's junk is as small as mine! HA! Ha!...ha...ha(sigh)...**

 **Well, whatever! Forget about that! I found something way more awesome than girls today anyway! A Bulborb that acts like a Pikmin! Which I've dubbed 'Bulbmin'...I brought it to the lab to analyze, but if my hunch is correct-**

… **...**

It was at that point that Dipper noticed he wasn't alone in his cabin anymore and stopped writing to see who it was. "Oh, hey Pacifica. What can I do for you?"

 **snap**

Pacifica said nothing...she just let the top of her leaf bikini fall to the floor...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

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	7. Chapter 7

Gravity wilds ch.7

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Dipper was alone in the woods...humiliated and in tears...

 _It all started so well..._ He thought to himself...

…...

 _-Look Dipper, between cabin fever, how nice and wonderful a guy you are , the constant life-threatening danger we face, the weird food here filled with weird aphrodisiacs...and the fact your the only guy here...we want you...I want you." She admitted flustered._

 _Dipper was also flustered. "A-all of you...even Wendy?" He asked more then a little hopefully. Pacifica face-palmed. "Wow, you really don't know how to talk to woman." She asks in disbelieving amazement. "No." admits Dipper with a sigh. Pacifica rolls her eyes. "Whatever, can we just do this?" She says impatiently as she jumps him..._

… _..._

Dipper groaned. Everything fell apart after that. First he was too nervous to get anything 'up'. Then when he finally got something going...he was bad...he was just really bad...Pacifica tried to comfort him afterwords...but she'd been clearly disappointed...

"Hey, Dipper." Says a voice behind him. He wheels around and sees Tambry enter the clearing. He groans. "Tambry...I just want to be left alone right now."

Tambry puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Dipper, it was your first time. Most guys always mess up their first time."

Dipper flusters. "Pacifica told you!?" He shouts embarrassed. Tambry shrugs. "Dipper, were a small community. There's not much else to do here but talk to each other."

She sits on the stump next to him. "Look we had a long talk and Pacifica feels bad about the whole thing. She gets that she expected too much from you too soon...and she'd love to try again when your more experienced...or maybe even help you gain that experience if you want." She said that last part with a smirk.

Dipper sighed. "This whole thing just doesn't seem real...why would any girl want be with a guy like me? Especially with my-

"Oh, for the love of- Enough about your small genitals!" Snapped Tambry annoyed. "I'm sick with hearing about that! Look, yes. Your the guy with the abnormally small wang...but so what!? Your also the guy who fights creeps and killers on a regular basis! Your the guy that saved me and Wendy from homicidal ghosts! Your the one who gave Pacifica the courage to stand up to her parents and save the day! I know guys who are 'hung like a horse' that would have just wet themselves in similar situations! Dude you rock!" She slaps his back for emphasis.

She then smiles. "In fact...I have my fair share of 'experience'...I wouldn't mind giving you the benefits of it." She said suggestively.

Dippers eyes widened as he flustered further. "I...wow Tambry...what about Robbie?"

Tambry growled. "I broke up with that jerk the moment my mind became my own again. That jerk must've tried to brainwash me! Just like he tried with Wendy! What other explanation is there for me randomly loving him out of the blue!?"

Dipper groaned. He knew he was going to regret this...but it was the right thing to do! He chuckled nervously. "Right, funny story about that"...

…...

Tambry looked at him incredulous. "So you just...left us like that?" She asked in disbelief. Dipper got a determined look. "That's right! I learned my lesson from the whole Robbie/CD fiasco! Since then I try hard to not put my selfish wants over other people's happiness...like I did with Wendy's." He said that last part with a mournful sigh.

Tambry face-palmed. She took a deep breath to collect herself. "Okay, that's a good lesson to have learned from that...I also appreciate you prioritizing my happiness, don't get me wrong."

She then glares at him. "However, did it ever occur to you to...Oh, I don't know...TO TELL ME THAT YOUR SISTER DOPED ME WITH LOVE POTION SO I COULD DECIDE WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY FOR MYSELF!?

Dipper pales, then slaps his forehead. "I'm sorry." He says honestly. Tambry sighs as she rubs her temples. "It's okay Dipper. I really do appreciate your willingness to let the group and your possible 'cool guy' status fall apart to keep me happy. It was a sweet sentiment...misguided...but still sweet!"

Dipper flushed. "So your not mad at me?" He asked curiously. Tambry shrugged. "Well I'm mad at Mabel for setting the whole thing in motion...But you...you had good intentions...and you TRIED to make me happy...that's more then what most guys do." A flustered Tambry confesses.

She then smiles mischievously. "Besides, it's hard to stay mad at a guy with genitals that tiny." She teases playfully.

A flustered Dipper chuckles as he covers himself. "Yep! Yep. I deserve that."

Tambry smirks. "Yes, you did. And you also deserve this." She states nonchalantly as she undo's her straps and lets her leaf bikini fall off.

"Now let's see if we can't do something about your confidence and performance issues." She says casual as she saunters over to a terrified...yet excited Dipper.

Unknown to either; they were being watched by a certain red-head...who was looking upon this scene very conflicted...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Just so you know. That Rant from Tambry was inspired by the numerous people complaining about the whole 'too many small wang' stories. Although I put them in because I think their funny, I'm also doing it because I feel it matches Dippers insecure personality. Also I'm trying to do a positive body image Aesop-thing. Hope that explains things!**

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	8. ANNOUNCEMENT!

**ATTENTION!**

"To All who read this...I'm going on HIATUS!

"I know, I know. I hate it when Authors do this too.

"But I plan on being a REAL writer; and I need to focus on that.

 **FIRE SALE!**

 **EVERYTHING MUST GO!**

"If you want to adopt my story to continue it; go ahead!

"If more then one person wants to adopt the same story; go ahead!(this includes the one's already labeled 'adopted')

 **NEW YEAR!**

"Let me be clear; this Hiatus(if I don't become an Author) will only last a year...I really do want to finish my fanfic stories(But if you don't want to wait, feel free to adopt)

 **EXCEPTIONS**

"I intend to finish the last chapter of my Christian themed story 'What we gonna do'; I might also occasionally post some Christian Song-fic's.

"From Now on if the conversation thread isn't labeled 'Adopt' or 'Review Glitch'(My computer still won't let new reviews through, I need help!)"I'm going to have to ignore it(sorry)

 **COMMITMENTS**

"Say what you will about me; I'm a man of my word.

"I've promised several Authors that I'd help them with their stories.

"Here they are: The Howling Behemoth, StoriesUnleashed, Brandon Vortex, SPIDERWILLIAM13, Animeshowlover, And...Shot...Okay I can't remember his/her name; but he/she adopted Tremor Falls...so you know who you are...I hope.

"Anyway; Because of my promise. I will still respond to messages from the guys/girls listed above

As for 'Zues Killer Productions'...(sigh)

"Okay, here's the thing...I promised to adopt his/her story...But right after that I remembered- "Dang it, I'm going on Hiatus in a couple months, what is wrong with me?"

"But poorly thought out and misremembered it may have been...for better or for worse I made a commitment and I'm going to stick with it.

"After all; why should he/she suffer because of my poor memory?(I'll still take messages from him/her as well)

"Let's be clear; I'm not going nuts on this...they'll be only one chapter every two weeks(at least)

 **"NAME CHANGE**

"In one week; I'm changing my User name(I wanted this name first...but I forgot it(sheepish smile))

"Say goodbye to "du911"...and hello to "The Cowardly Christian".

"Well...that's it...bye...


	9. HIATUS IS OVER!

**HELLO FAITHFUL READERS!**

As you know...New Years is here...which mean my year long hiatus from fanfiction will be over!

But here's the thing...this year I'm doing something different:

Although I'll be writing fanfiction again; it'll be more sporadic(I'm still giving priority to my REAL story). The stories I focus on will be sorta random...however. I'll be making challenge; to the people who participate in my 'Shake up the Falls' Story challenge.

Ex: If you were to to publish a chapter of my 'Shake up the falls' challenge before anyone else...I would let you pick the first three stories I would be continuing(if you wanted me to continue my 'Gamer of the Year' Story plus two others, I'd do that before anything else)

The details of my 'Shake up the Falls' story idea can be found on my profile.

P.S. Just to clarify; this is a CONTINUOUS arrangement, I'll be continuing stories in the order that a person finishes my challenge, this challenge won't stop after the first person dose it...it'll continue on after that...I'll also be publishing/updating an going on my own time table in the meantime

P.S.S. Reminder; all my stories are still up for adoption!(I'm not abandoning any...I'm simply giving you more options, if you think I'm going too slow). Multiple adoptions for a single story are still allowed!

Hope you had a merry Christmas...and that you have a Happy New Year!


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